Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
