so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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