The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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