The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
