She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
