he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
