Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
