the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
