there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
