I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
