just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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