ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
