Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
