don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
