Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
