You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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