im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
