Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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