I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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