i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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