she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
