you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
