worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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