I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
