Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
