The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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