I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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