In the future we'll all be gay
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
