We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
