now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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