God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
