If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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