I want to stick my p in your. b.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
