He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
