yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
