guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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