Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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