Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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