I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
