How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
