Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
