apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Life is so much better after having sex.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
