I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
