are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
