She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Can vaginas get frostbite?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who died my cat blue again?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
