So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
