I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
