apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
