from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Someone came in the potted fern
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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