She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
