he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
