Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
