hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
