is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
