She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm at about main and main street
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
