i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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