you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
