I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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