i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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