Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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